desire: desire I
December 4
I haven’t been inspired by someone in so long
up late
wired for someone in so long
haven’t felt real fire for someone in so long
real ire for someone
because of someone
despite someone
haven’t felt much in relation to someone or anyone in so long
been resonating deeply with absolutely
no one, for so long
no one, but I
can tell I’m onto something
I’m falling into something
but climbing up to something?
I am on the trail of the scent of ascent
low visibility but never reminiscent of descent
I feel
lost
but guided?
I understand fundamentally my north star
but struggle to grasp my path
questions in tow
inquiring mind
but heat in my soul
though not at the base of my spine
haven’t been inspired by someone in so long
admired, desired by someone in so long
I’ve just been tired for so long
desire: forever
December 28
all the right things, resonating
not wanting to, but holding out
waiting
willing into existence
more time in your presence
mind stuttering. belly fluttering
slowly satiating
desires met
desires multiplied
mutual respect
abounds
admiration fuels inspiration
making the mental rounds
feeling proud
feeling the stirring in my loins
ever curious
ever keen
feeling again
like a child again
again, and again
how much time do we have?
how much is ours?
desire: desire II
January 23
no matter how much I think has resonated
it hasn’t been enough to redeem me
from suspension in emotional purgatory, breath bated
it hasn’t been enough to convince me
our alignment wasn’t ill-fated
what but a mockery could this be?
why God would strike a match
under my skin
for one He knows
won’t be a match
is unbeknown to me
I deserve and can earn attention
that is undivided
you mean to tell me
that what feels like the love of my life
will be unrequited?
desire: desire III
February 25
every big love you feel is not the love of your life, girl
you are expansive
ever growing, ever larger
than life itself
guided by God himself
and herself and themself. by yourself
hence nothing is bigger than you
above you
everything is you
everything is you
you desired desire, received it, then got mad when it didn’t come with the attachment of a person
you desired desire, and received it
you desire
you don’t desire him
your desire was never forever, it was always
only desire
empress. french press. success. 