when poems speak for you: a reflection

i had these three books of poetry in my amazon cart for about 3 months: salt and nejma by nayyirah waheed, and bone by yrsa daley-ward. while scrolling through instagram to avoid my responsibilities one night, i came upon a post saying those exact books were available free for download on the kindle app for the next week. i shrieked and got them right away. look at the universe working its magic. speaking of universe, i went to universal studios for the first time with my family 2 weekends ago – it was awesome, you should go. random fact.

moving on, in salt by nayyirah waheed, i came across a poem that is still, and will forever be, the most powerful three lines i’ve ever read. it is the only three lines i’ve ever read that so perfectly put into words every single thing i’ve felt since i landed in these united states of america in pursuit of a world class business education. the poem goes:

you broke the ocean in 

half to be here.

only to meet nothing that wants you.

-immigrant. (salt. nayyirah waheed)

i damn near cried. coming to america was a decision i knew i’d make since the moment i realised all my visions of my future involved running businesses. it was something i was prepared to do in theory, but in reality, the biggest challenge of my life. emotionally, i wasn’t exposed to the harsh realities of the bigger world, and was shocked when i got here. physically, i wasn’t secure in myself and my identity. academically, i was miserable and hated all of my early curriculum. financially, i was a joke. international students cannot legally work anywhere off campus unless it is an official internship, and my campus had no jobs for me. socially, i was unsure, and friendship circles eventually became friendship sagas. overall, i was a mess, trying to exist in a nation that was not my own. in freshman year, true story, i slept on a street bench with my friends after getting lost and having the metro close til the next morning, all because we didn’t yet know that uber existed. poor immigrants. for all of freshman year i was defeated by american, college math – prior to this i didn’t even know there were different types of math, finding jobs/opportunities/scholarships, and struggling with feeling like a welcomed part of the society i had just thrust myself into. i had broken the ocean for a place that wanted nothing of me. it was freshman year that introduced me to generalised anxiety disorder and its perils. and it was freshman year that wore me down in spirit. this last election briefly wore me down too, but i’ve decided that i’m not going to worry about a thing. i’ve decided that i can break the ocean again, and sail somewhere that wants all of me.